I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
