Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
