i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
