apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
