in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We talked him into tasing himself.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
