um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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