Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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