Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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