would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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