NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
