Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
