Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
