i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
