he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
