I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
