i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
