that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
