its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
