that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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