We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
