we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
