everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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