before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
