I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
