Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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