if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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