i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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