Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
