Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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