You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
