we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
