Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
