I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
