Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
