my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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