Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
