tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
