I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
