it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
