New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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