The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
