ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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