They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
