I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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