I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
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Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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