tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
