Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
