i don't like sucking hair
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
