i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
