do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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