butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
