Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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