Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
