Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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