Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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