i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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