Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
