So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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