I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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